The management warning signs were there from the very beginning the inconsistencies. The inability to make decisions. Deciding on one course of action only to decide days later that all the work should be trashed and a new course of action should be put in place.
So now I have been sumoned to the office. Yet again I find that I am still stuck on a carousel ride that speeds up, slows down, jumps up and down but never stops. The feeling of movement is an illusion because the carousel goes around in an endless circle. So I will sit, I will be reminded that I am lucky to be on the carousel ride and that others can easily take my place. I will be asked to read minds and perform magic.
In the past the carousel ride gave me motion sickness and the mind reading request made me nauseous. Now I am weary, I am jumping off, I will probably break something when I jump off, no safety net and it will hurt. But staying on this ride hurts more. I no longer have the energy to muster interest or a desire to understand new directives. I feel spent, but yet I also somehow feel closer to freedom. Unfortunately this freedom does not have a parachute
This freedom is only offering me a respite from stress that has pinched my nerves, a migraine that goes on for weeks, sleep that is disturbed and fractured by thoughts of "what if" meals half consumed because a stray thought will ruin the apetite and a sense of deep pain from mental and verbal diatrabes that are a zero sum win.
I am walking in tomorrow knowing that I am going to lose, but if wining means the same routine then I lost and never knew it.
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