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I would also like to pose a question:

When was the first time you fell in love? Did it last?

Banned books my first love

I fall in love with love all the time yes me the happy disbelieving cynic is a closet romantic. The first time I fell in love I was 4, the objection of my -undying- affection was 12 his name was Robert he was tall dark and handsome. OK he was taller than me  and he was dark the handsome part debatable.

I remember the first time I saw him, I was walking home with my mom and little toddler eyes fell on him and my little heart went pitter patter.  I stopped walking turned to my mom and said: "Mom I am going to marry that boy", pointing at Robert who was walking with his dad. My mother was glad I had decided to marry a boy as I had already told her that I didn't want to have babies I wanted to have a monkey instead (a story for another day.)

My mom being the sweet supportive woman replied: "I am so glad you like Robert, when you are older you can tell him." Like him? no mom I am in LOVE WITH HIM. My mom knows me so she says of course honey you are in love with him, but I could here the note of humor in her voice and I was miffed. Apparently the old lady thought that --> I at the ripe old age of 4 could not love. Well I would show her. I was going to study love. And I knew exactly what to do and where to go: books were the answer.

Growing up my mom had stacks of romance novels all over the house, I learned how to read Spanish much to the -joy- horror of my poor mother.   Determined to show my mom and Robert of course I would sit in the living room sounding out words and learning the language. One day I got to a big word, knowing that my mom always said if you cant read it after trying ask for help, I walked over to her in the kitchen where she was cooking. Hey mom what is this word?

My mom looked down, she saw the cover and she looked at me the way you look at a potential suicide threat on the ledge. "Honey you know how to read in English, that book is in Spanish," her words were light but I could see the tension in her eyes.

"I can read in Spanish, listen, my voice falter as I sounded out words: he stroked her stomach up his hand heading lower to her-" the book was snatched faster out of my hand than that one time I played with a zippo lighter. In retrospect the zippo lighter was less hot than the book. After that incident my mothers book collection went from stacks on coffee table, on chairs, on top of the TV to hidden like illegal contraband.

Did I learn about love that day? No, but I learned that I could read Spanish and scare my mom talk about a total win. But I digress, my point is that when ever I have wanted to learn something I have turned to books, even when a teacher would ask if I needed extra help I would ask if they could recommend a book.

My favorite books have all taught me something: a joke, a new song, poem, word etc. I believe all great books are like that we all walk away learning something. As I work on my novel, I have a certain character that is learning, but I find that I am learning right along with him.

The super awesome books on the other hand scare our parents, so in that honor go out and pick up a banned book.

Jack and Jill wrecked my story time

Ahhh the old neighborhood taught me my love for libraries and where I would get into trouble with my first story time.

We had just moved and the library was less than a block away, imagine my mothers delight at story time. Off we went the librarian was maybe 16 but hey I was 4 which meant she was ANCIENT.

Let us call our intrepid librarian Mary, poor Mary started off with Jack and Jill. Mary should have gone with another story the second she laid eyes on my eager face.

The End. Mary smiled, I frowned, I was 4 but I wasn't stupid. My hand shot up, Mary didn't see it coming and was expecting praise instead this is what she got: "Why did they go up the hill, who puts a well on a hill?" If Jill saw him fall why would she try to go down as well, why did Jill want to fall?

Mary looked at my mom, my mom looked at Mary then at me, she nodded she turned to Mary with a smile and said: "Oh that one is Lisbeth" and my mom went back to watching my other sisters. Wendy the second of us four sensed a revolution afoot. "Do we burn the books? she asked me coming out of a sleep stupor.  My mother shushed her no book burning my mom said automatically in response to any Wendy suggestion, OK gonna check for the door so we can get out fast.

By this point Mary realized that story time was wrecked. In Mary's defense it wasn't her fault which brings us in a very round about way to the moral point of this post.

Great books have great characters which are MOTIVATED by something, anything whether it is finding an albino frog, winning first place for genetically modified pumoranges (half pumpkin half orange) or wanting some ice water.

We all want something every single person, next time a person tell you "I don't want a thing" they are lying they want a trillion more things than you, even Tibetan monks want more enlightenment.

So it is OK make your characters needy, my characters are mature but have as many needs as unsupervised 2 year old with a sugar rush.

Giving Thanks

It has been a rough week for me, no tragedies or miss-fortunes (knock on wood) it has been rough because I feel held hostage by my 9-5 paycheck. I enjoy everything about my job except the 10% of when I have to interface with office colleagues. I say interface because the systems in place recycled robotically.

I won't be going home for Thanksgiving :( to expen$ive but I have so much to be thankful for this year.

1. My family is healthy
2. My family has grown
3. My family has learned wonderful things this past year
4. I have kept my commitment to personal development
5. I feel more at peace because of what I have discovered about myself
6. I have been a positive influence for many

I hope that this year as you gather with family or friends you take a moment before you start to feast to give thanks for all that we have been given in this past year. Also take a moment and ask yourself: How can I help people around me?

Happy, Healthy and Safe Thanksgiving to all!

Dedication and passion

Dedication and passion equal success. Success is subjective, my idea of success and what society states is a successful person can differ greatly at times.

I would rather be successful at being happy than successful at being number 1 at work. I don't think any tombstone proudly proclaims "S/he was number one at work."

Being happy takes dedication, to often you will hear that you should  or could be doing something different than what you are passionate about. The trick is to keep the faith, not because of the accolades or recognition but because to live a great life means being true to oneself. Dedicating your life to your personal happiness isn't selfish, by making yourself happy you infect other around you with joy and happiness.

Want to make an impact on the world? Do you want to stand out? Dedicate each day to being happy and following your passions.

What makes you happy?

It is complicated

Unlike in real life, in stories we love characters who are complicated. We remember the characters that behave in ways that leave us with crossed eyes and mentally hurling profanity.

Our hero and heroines are complicated they are determined to do the right thing even when it isn't the best thing.  Our villains are determined to go the extra mile even when they have zero motivation and those are the villains that truly frighten us. With no motivation we wonder how can someone with no logical impetus be so evil, it is complicated.

I have finished one book and I am working on my second novel, each story features characters that are complicated. At each opportunity they pick a road that will lead them to what they think is happiness or an easy out but each only leads to further complications.

I think about the novels that have stuck with me over the years, they all had characters that were complicated. My arche-type of complicated is Lennie Smalls from John Steinbeck's: "Of Mice and Men" Lennie Small dreams of a life where he gets to pet soft rabbits.  Lennie's choices and his collision course with destiny are all wrapped around a seemingly innocent desire the desire to tend rabbits.

Many moons have waxed and waned since my school years required reading Of Mice and Men, but the emotional struggles that complicated invoke in us never go away.

I recently finished a book that left me in a torment of emotions, I was conflicted on every level, I read the last line of the book and I thought to myself this character is not real but all of these emotions are real. I hope that some day I can create an experience for those reading my work that touches and moves them to great heights and low depths.

Stress, writing and reading

Stress can be good or bad. Stress can help you meet and achieve goals. Stress can kill you, I am not trying to be melodramatic enough research has proven that to much stress can be harmful to individuals.

My blog is where I like to keep myself honest on my journey to becoming a published author.  Stress is something that 99.999999999999999999% of Americans are feeling at this moment. 

Having a 9-5 job where you feel unappreciated, overworked and which makes you question your professional goals is stress + mental beatings.

When I write I feel free, unfettered by all the social mores that dictate my life hour by hour. When I write I create. I view the creative process a divine gift, the ability to uplift and entertain people are a narcotic fix for me.

Today is one of those days when I feel like the world has beaten me down.  I feel no shame in crying "uncle" but will keep the white flag in the box where it belongs. Life is not easy, the journey through life takes many twists and turns. My ultimate goal is to be a full time writer, until that day, I will continue to work on balancing the demands of the day to day chaos and all it brings and my love of creating stories.

When I was very young I remember that even when I had a bad day, I knew that I could relieve some stress within the covers of a good book. And not only would I relieve my stress but have the added bonus of learning something.

I am thankful that I learned a stress coping technique that was not beneficial for my health. I hope that as I continue to write someday someone will pick up my book and find stress relief from the daily existence called life.

What to do when characters go rogue

My character has gone rogue, the character seemingly polite, dutiful and helpful has gone balls to the wall bat _hit insane. How did this happen? We all knew our parts, the story was moving and then it happened a hostile take over by a minor character who wants their day in the sun. Oh he is shining so bright at the moment that my other poor characters have set up a timer for him to go super nova.

I feel bad for abandoning my story at this moment, I need to get back in there and save my characters. Here is the thing if I put fingers to keyboard it is over, this character has taken a life and force of his own and he will not be denied.

Some writers will plunge ahead giving in to the giddy power of having been swept away by the novel. I on the other hand want my characters to each have their moment in the sun and now is the not time for what I now call my little terrorist.

I know that negotiation is not possible the character is to strong. The fact that the story is growing and learning is an achievement which I do not wish to control but to mold. Time to pull out the writers weapons of choice. An outline.

Some of you look at the outline process as a creativity killer or a necessary before even beginning the story. If there is one thing I have learned is that no one thing works for all writers. 100 writers will swear by the outline and 100 will heap scorn on the outline who is right? I don't know or care.

What I do know is that it is better to have a full tool box than an empty one. I write the right way for me. I take each scene and process it mentally 50-60 times and then I type it up. I re-read previous chunks and go from there will this work for you probably not unless like me you become consumed by your work.

So what do you do when your character goes rogue? Pull out a piece of paper, click on an outlining app, walk over to your white board and start outlining roughly where your story started, where your characters are and what resolution you were hoping to end with. Sound easy? 

Don't feel bad if you find yourself on a 24 hour bender cursing the outline it is working like bad tasting medicine it is doing its job as works through your mental landscape.

And if all else fails and your character is determined to have their way in your story keep typing you may have a surprise hit on your hands.

What if?

Every story I have ever made up in my head, or sat down to write has started with what if?

When I read a good story by the end, the what if, has been resolved and I can see the organic germination from where the author spun and weaved their story.

Every sentence, paragraph, page should move the reader through a series of revelations, removing veils, answering what if until the reader looks back and thinks so that is how it all started and why it ended.

Whenever, my characters start to go silent I realize it is because I have decided to impose my will on them and instead let them lead me to the natural conclusion of what if.

What if, will help your characters develop more fully, what if will help your plot move and grow as it should. What if will keep your readers turning the page.

What if, is the reason that the great stories are passed down and endure.

Go ahead stick what if in front of your opening sentence and the beginning of each paragraph.

Pinterest, boards, secrets and you the writer

OK so I have this twisted relationship with Pinterest. As a story-teller I understand Pinterest as website. When I go on Pinterest I am lost. All the boards, the re-pinning. Visually Pinterest looks like a shopping catalog on steroids and bath salts (the zombie bath salts as opposed to the good kind) pinning is great.

But try keep track of your boards if you are following someone, exactly a nightmare. When I started Pinterest I actually made my boards private just for me hey I figured it would be nice to have a visual board.

Imagine my delight today when I got pinged on the app and an email announcing "secret boards." I think Pinterest is moving in the right direction with secret boards not happy about the limit of 3 secret boards and I still not crazy about the lay-out of Pinterest.

You are probably wondering what does Pinterest mean to you the author if you are suffering from the malaise called writers block surf through Pinterest for just 5 minutes you will be visually assaulted by so many disparte images you will definitely walk away with some new ideas for your novel.

If you want to sign up for Pinterest head over to http://pinterest.com/ and happy pinning.

Sony e-reader books now liberated

Those of you who know me, know I am a gadget junky, you need a USB 2.0 or 3.0 cable, SD and micro-SD got those too along with everything else I keep in my gadget treasure chest.

So it will not shock you when I say I was one of the early adopters of the Sony E-reader. I would ride the train during rush hour and people would tap me and ask about the Sony E-reader. I was giddy like a high school girl with her first crush I would describe the e-reader as an iPod for books. But like most school girl crushes (with or without twinkling vampires) the love had a heavy price. Sony had a redunkulous DRM system that made reading on the e-reader not so pleasant.

Imagine my pleasant a few days ago to discover this:

https://ebookstore.sony.com/download/

The 400 books I purchased before Amazon released its first Kindle are now liberated, let freedom ring.  I am now going through my Sony library and I am so happy that they released an app I want to personally send them a fruit basket.

I would continue to write but like a kid at Christmas I am to excited about my new stash of reading material.

Happy reading and writing folks.

With minutes to spare can you write a paragraph? I did it on the Metro.

I sat in my chair looking out at the skyscraper landscape one shoe dangled off of my toe. I wiggled the shoe so it bounced slowly against my foot, the buildings in front of me receded. Best time to destroy her life is during the holiday, she has everything to lose. I adjusted my position, maintaining good posture was important when you are going to unleash hell on someones life. Destroy a marriage. Check. Lose her children. Check. End her career. Check. Leave her in poverty. Double check. I sighed, smoothing my skirt down, we can put a man on the moon and yet fabric that does not wrinkle is still as elusive as angels and fairy dust. My cellphone rang,  I trace the outline of my victims face on the caller ID. The devil has to much fun I murmured to myself as I let the call go to voicemail. My head dropped back and a smile spread across my face, revenge wasn't sweet it was delicious and I couldn't wait to start eating.


I wrote the above paragraph while sitting on the train using a text editing app, I wrote it in the the time it took the train make 5 stops. I set up the app to automatically sync with Dropbox, and from Dropbox to blogger it was another short hop.

Maybe it is in your hand, pocket, purse, bag, book-bag, table, your cellphone is a powerful tool in capturing those evil twisted scenes, dialogues, plots that stream through your writers brain all day. Don't let a piece of paper, or a word processing system get in the way of capturing all of your great ideas. If you can tap out a few words to trigger sentences that is also OK.

Long gone are the romantic days of the author sitting at his desk and writing.

This is a brave new world, and we write, online while waiting for our coffee, we write while waiting for the prescription to be filled, we will even lock ourselves in the bathroom for a minuets a day to capture some fantastic new idea.

If you have a phone and you are writing it is time to look at that phone a whole different way.

Happy writing.

If you have some recommendations on good apps PLEASE share.

Have you organized your day? You only have limited time

How many balls are you juggling?  And by balls I mean: writing, 9-5 job, family, social obligations, stay fit, school, etc.  I have some good news and I have some good news.

You want to hear the good news first?

The good news is that you and everyone else on the planet each get 24 hours in a day.

The other good news: you decide how you are going to spend your 24 hours.

Yes you have the power, you are the president, CEO, Boss of You.

When it comes to my personal management you can call me the Enron, Bear Stearns, the Lehman Brothers type of CEO. Which is why I am doing a daily self-audit, every night create a check list (I hate calling it a to-do list, but you can call it magical sprinkle moments.)

My check list contains all of the actions and activities I want to accomplish the following day. My checklist tends to be an exhaustive list for two reasons:

1. I am capturing all the things including the small stuff i.e. brush teeth, load/unload dishwasher
2. I want to drill down and understand how I am spending my time

Will this work for you? I don't know. Do I recommend it?  Yes. Why? Because over the years in my quest to be organized I have realized that organizational planning revolves around goal setting, behavior modification and forming positive habit.

What I have found is that most books, websites, coaches leave out the hard work the nitty gritty of "Know Thyself."  

Know yourself, how do you spend your 24 hours in a day? Are you up catching the late night shows? Do you need to decompress for at least 15 minutes after  you drink your coffee. Do you take a quick shower in the morning to wake up followed by a longer shower in the evening to detox from the day?  Do you sit at your desk at work and surf while you mindlessly eat your lunch? All of these activities take time how much time only you know.

When you are writing and you have a full time job you need to make as much of your time count. Which brings us back to my long check list, I am beginning to understand how I spend my time and how I can reallocate it so that I can do more of what I love: Writing.

NaNoWriMo hit your word count even when you are away from your computer

For those of you read my blog you know I love technology and I love writing. NaNoWriMo is that time of the year where all the budding authors come out to play. But for those who are committed to finishing their novel by the end of the month meetings those daily word counts can be stressful. But fear not now you can hit your word count, while you are waiting in the doctors office, the DMV, ordering lunch, riding on public transportation.

When you are trying to hit a word count and you are limited on time being able to squeeze in some writing where you are can make the difference between successfully finishing NaNoWriMo or feeling like you have the worlds best cereal but no milk.

Enter technology for those of you with hectic busy schedules technology has come to save the day. And your life safer is closer than you think, yup your phone.

Download any text or word editing document such as Plain Text, iA Writer, Quick Office Pro, Documents to Go, Polaris Office etc., onto your phone.

And also snap up any of the following Dropbox, Sugarsync, Box, BoxNet, SkyDrive, GDrive etc you will need these in order to keep your files straight between your phone and computer. Now instead of sitting on the train playing fruit ninja you can squeeze 100 or 1000 words depending on the length of your commute and the transit Gods willingness to have allowed you the blessing of a seat while you tap out your purple prose.

If you are using a text/word editing app please share your experience.

Happy writing

I have a monkey on my back, and the monkey brain in control

I have a monkey on my back, a bad habit, OK more than one bad habit. I must say that I was OK with my bad habits, after all the bad habits were not interfering with living the unexamined life (tongue in cheek folks.)

Enlightenment, that would be nirvana, but I methinks baby steps would be better.

This blog is about my journey as I write, and I have been very good about writing my novel. I have been very good about blogging it helps me to feel like I am doing a checks and balances on myself and I am proud of daily routine.

I am not proud of my writing habits on the other hand.

I have been writing sporadically, and mentally I have dug in my heels on the editing stage. I have made so many excuses regarding editing that at this point, I am mentally raising my eyebrows at myself and telling myself "come up with something better I aint buying it."

What does this all mean? This means I have to make changes, unlike the past I am trying to avoid some pitfalls like trying to make 1 trillion changes at once.

The number one way to make a change is to develop a schedule and stick to the schedule, so you are guessing I am going to make a schedule you are half right. I am going to get this monkey of bad habit off my back. First good habit: develop the habit of making a schedule. You are probably thinking I am extremely dense and not very bright. I have spent the entire weekend reading on developing good habits and EVERY single blog, book, etc suggested making a schedule.

Here is the tricky part they all forgot that if you can't stick to a schedule how can you make one. In order to develop and stick to a schedule you need to learn how to develop a schedule by sticking to creating one. 

Every day create a schedule, why? how do I know where I want to go if I currently my mind like a monkey is jumping from place to place with no sense of organization.

First develop a schedule and now the hard part audit that schedule daily.  Yes AUDIT, which means going through the schedule like a homicide detective with trust issues who thinks the world is guilty. Only I will be using the audit process to really determine what is reasonable every day. Instead of some pie in the sky goal, look at my life and say this is realistic and that is OK.

Yes some people can produce 2 or 30 pages per day exercise 45 minutes, clean, answer all emails, pick up the kids, make a 3 course meal have a full time job and meditate. (I applaud all of you super heroes) The joy of being a thousand years old is that you learn to accept yourself. My goals are more modest. Next 30 days develop and audit schedule. If I can make my goal then step 2.

What are your writing goals? What is your daily schedule? How do you stay motivated?

Sound the alarm

Sound the alarm, or better yet listen to all the small quiet signals that keep whispering the truth. Having trouble falling asleep on Sunday?
Dreading walking into another meeting?
Look for ways to show even a modicum of interest in office politics and gossip?
You look at a new reporting procedure and you  start looking at retired senior citizens with envy?
When someone leaves the department you feel bitter envy mixed with happiness because they escaped?

When your alarm clock goes off yo lay in bed and your brain buzzes in protest while your body lays unresponsive?

You drink two double espresso before leaving the house and yet you get to the office and your eyes are barely open as you greet your co-workers.

You ask yourself if this is it, is this all to life, but you are to scared to change because change means having to embrace your dream.

Sound the alarm because it is time to leave the zombie state behind and embrace who you are meant to be, you were meant for more than 9-5.

Sound the alarm because everything can change when you run towards your dreams you don't need a double espresso or an alarm clock. You greet each day with joy. So sound the alarm and start something new.

Should have could have would have

When I don't blog I feel as if I should have, but then I ask myself could have I produced something that was compelling and meaningful. Would have I created a blog post that meant something.

Is this blog a journey and if so does it mean a daily commitment?

I don't know. I like to think that when I post it is because, I have experiences something and I want to share it.

I grew up being a ham, story-telling is easy for me trust me lets go out to dinner, trust me you will end up with the biggest doggy bag ever, why? Because you will be entertained and you will forget to eat. Am I great, no, am I entertaining? Yes.

I like being able to move people to a magical place, I like whisking people into a fantasy even for a brief period of time it is my gift.

So should I, could I blog every day? Only if I Would I have a better blog.

Should, Could and Would will be on vacation for eternity cheers :)

I am conflicted at best at worst I have two opinions

But to those who disagree I will give you this timeless song.....Think of me as you listen....