Carousels

I was 6 years old, my sisters were super excited about our trip to Coney Island. I was not as excited. I was terrified when we arrived at the amusement park so many terrifying sights, loud noises and to many people.

When my mom placed my sisters on the carousel they squealed with delight, I had an epic melt-down, I let loose an ear popping terror filled screech. My mom had the operator stop the ride and pulled me off. All the kids watched as my mom pulled me down from the frozen glassy-eyed monster that had no resemblance to a beautiful horse. Humiliation and embarrassment yup felt it like a tight scarf cutting off my oxygen supply.

Why did my brain jump back 100 years ago as I sit here now? I feel frustrated. I am trying to pull together a plan. A personal plan of action and yet my mind goes back to Coney Island to the bobbing horses as they lumber in that slow circle the cacophony of the evil jingle is rattling in my brain. I am sitting here 3 decades later and I can smell popcorn, hot-dogs, cotton candy and the beautiful smell that only happens in the summer when the air becomes heavy, sweet and green.

I am lost on this mental time-path, I see everyone lining up for the carousel ride, I see the big brass ring. Every so often an emboldened individual will try and grab the brass ring.

The carousel does not speed up or slow down it goes in a circle, bobbing up and down to the jingle that pierces my eardrum. I see the people standing, waiting impatiently so that they too can jump on those frozen caricatures masquerading as horse. They stand in line impatient, they too want to go around in a circle.

The jingle winds down the horses slow signifying the end of the ride, everyone is where they started. Impatiently those that waited push so that they can also jump on the carousel.

I can feel their impatience they want to spend time going around in a circle. I can see the covetous eyes that follow and look longingly each time they pass the brass ring.  Another brave soul will reach out to grab it. So close and empty-handed. The rider behind breathes a sigh of relief thy didn't get but now they have a shot at grabbing the brass ring.  Each successive failure only creates more longing to nowhere.

I told my mom I didn't want to ride the carousel. As I sit here in this mental time traveling expedition I realize I didn't have to step on the carousel to ride it.

And now I have to jump off and hope I land safely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e68P9QN11zg

I am not old enough

We talk all day and yet our conversations are tossed about like a newspaper on a windy day.

Imagine my surprise today when in the middle of a conversation I contemplated a career change. I made the statement as a joke.

The other person said that is a great idea!

I stopped in my tracks, "woah I am to old!"

"To old for what?" the person asked.

I was stumped, my remarked tossed about like a newspaper on a windy day had been taken seriously and now I am in a quandary.

What is to old? Or not old enough?

Do I make a change or do I stay put?

I only know I am not old enough to quit and give up on dreams. Even if I don't know the dream.

Neglect

The original intent was a mea-culpa regarding neglecting the blog, but then I realized that sounded silly.  At the moment I have zero followers and no one would notice if this blog lived or died. I retained the title neglect because it paints a bigger picture of my life.

Neglect is like a cancer that spreads slowly through out the body, it takes a hold of the heart, mind and soul. When neglect burrows its way inside the body excising the wound is painful.

The opposite of neglect is not action, neglect is not passive it is an active endeavor. Neglect requires purposeful planned action.

Neglect comes in many flavors and colors, health, mental,  spiritual, faith, determination.

One of the first steps towards working on the cure is knowing the affliction.  Knowing where the neglect has occurred and examining it before acting. Mindless action will only spin the wheels with no movement so now I looking all the areas divorcing and uncoupling them from each other. Why? because while they are all inter-dependent they all need proper individual attention to heal the whole.

If you read this for the giggles or boredom either way thanks for stopping by.