"He wants to move in can you believe that?" Catherine asked
I continued walking behind Catherine and Lois they knew I was behind them and didn't lower their voices.
"He wants to move in, he is moving fast you two have been seeing each other for a year." Lois responded.
We had reached the door and they held it for me. "What do you think?" I blinked, I didn't know what to say. Catherine, Lois and I work together, they are both young professional women and they have both been divorced.
Waiting for an answer I decided to turn the tables, I had no desire to placed in the middle of what I knew was coming. "How do you feel about living together?"
We walked into the office and sat down, I had dodged that bullet. "I like him a lot, and we have an nice time together but-" Catherine trailed off.
"But" I prompted wanting to hear my suspicions confirmed. "But, I don't want to take care of another man, I've already been married and well I would rather us continue our relationship the way it is." I couldn't help it I needed to poke and prod. "So you consider what you have a relationship?" I asked.
"Hell no! "That is why I want to keep things the way they are." "He already has mentioned he would like to have kids and I told him I already have a child and don't want any more children." Catherine answered emphatically. I leaned back in my chair.
Lois patted Catherine's hand, "I don't blame you, raising and taking care of a second husband is no fun."
Curiosity was still eating at me and I had to ask, "does he know how you feel?" Of course, he keeps bringing up the moving in together because he says that way I can make a better decision since I already told him I did not want to get married."
"Maybe he thinks you are playing hard to get." I said lightly knowing full well that Catherine was not the playing hard to get type.
A variation of this conversation has been playing out for a few years now that I have reached the age where my social circles are seeing a lot more divorce and separation. At first I thought it was an anomaly when I heard women state they were not looking to get married again or date seriously. But now I hear it constantly women at all income and education levels are saying: Tried the marriage thing I have (or don't) a child and I am not looking to add any more complications to my life.
Some how as we age our romantic relationships become complications and burdens. The women I have spoken to aren't fearful of commitment they have tested the waters and found that freedom to raise their child and themselves is enough. I find this equally interesting because a few male friends have been on the opposite side.
Larry and Barry (lets call them that) both divorced and within a year were dating. Larry dated a divorcee like himself.
Barry dated someone who had never been married.
Larry laments that his "girlfriend" whom views herself as his FBF (Friends with Benefits would be a polite term) wont commit and Barry couldn't get his new girlfriend down the aisle soon enough.
Bary is happy to be married again and is happy that his new wife wants to have with him child. Barry is an excellent father and provider to his first child and he and his first wife are on friendly terms.
Does any of this mean anything? Probably not. I am not a sociologist nor do I play one on TV or online. But I am curious, when did romantic relationships become such a burden that people are choosing to opt out?
And yes, you are right, what I have described is my personal experience you may be experiencing something quite unique in your own social circle
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