Single Dads

So thanks to Amazon and my inability to say no to an e-book I have been reminded countless times that June 16th is Fathers Day.

I normally treat Father's Day like Mother's Day a commercial venture to inspire guilt and cause financial shake down which would make the mafia proud. But as always dear reader I digress, this year my thoughts on Mother's and Father's day has changed.

I have been digging deep trying to understand my current fascination and then memories of conversation floated up and then I realized that the memories were overlapping. Conversations I had with single dads in NYC, only at the time I didn't realize they were single fathers. When I moved to DC I noted the increased number of single dads at meetings, conferences, plays and at first I chalked it up to conflicting parental schedules.

And then the conversations started at no point did I ever have man tell me he was a single dad. And then I noticed that being a single dad came with a set of labels, stigmas, short-comings and assumptions that would make Hercules scream submission.

Most of my single dads wrestle with the feeling that their partners left them and their children. Worse is the feeling that partner who left has no interest in maintaining contact with the child. Most of the dad's blame themselves as if they had performed whatever magical recipe was necessary "she would have stayed."

Single dads also wrestle with the fact that society expects them to date but sometimes they are not ready or unsure if they can trust bringing in a partner into a child rearing dynamic. 

Single mothers have been broken by all the labels and demands heaped upon them and I have seen how the mom's work to include single dad's in activities and create a more gender neutral atmosphere. Single dad's are always grateful for the support and resources even if they can't verbalize it.

So maybe it isn't just Amazon's fault that I have Father's day on the brain so much this year.